Caltrain to Replace Trains with Pogo Sticks Due To Efficiency Gains

In a shocking turn of events, Caltrain officials announced today that they will be replacing all of their trains with pogo sticks. The decision came after a rigorous cost-benefit analysis determined that pogo sticks are not only more eco-friendly, but also faster and more efficient than the current trains.

"We understand that this may come as a surprise to some of our passengers," said Caltrain CEO Jack Hammer. "But we believe that this decision will ultimately benefit everyone in the long run."

The new pogo stick system will work by bouncing passengers from station to station, with each hop covering approximately three miles. Riders will be required to wear protective gear, including helmets and knee pads, and will need to sign a waiver before boarding.

Despite concerns over safety and feasibility, Hammer insisted that the new system will be "totally rad."

"Think about it," he said. "No more waiting for trains to arrive, no more crowded cars, and no more delays caused by mechanical issues. With pogo sticks, we'll be able to zip around the Bay Area like never before."

Reaction to the announcement has been mixed. Some commuters are excited about the prospect of a more thrilling and adventurous commute, while others are skeptical about the practicality of the new system.

"I don't know about this," said frequent Caltrain rider Susan Smith. "I mean, I'm all for trying new things, but bouncing to work every day just seems kind of...odd."

Despite the uncertainty, Caltrain officials are already hard at work implementing the new pogo stick system, with plans to launch in April, so get ready to hop on board.

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